What…are you waiting for

I have done a lot of waiting in my life. The main one was waiting for my children. Waiting through infertility. Waiting through adoption(s). So I’ve gotten pretty good at waiting. If it were an olympic sport, I probably wouldn’t be able to compete for my country, because I have achieved professional levels in my sport!

So I’m used to waiting. Waiting for something to happen.

Now…or later.  It’s either/or.  You can’t have both. Right?  You are either living in the now… Or putting everything off until later.  But when does later come?

So maybe it should be now or never. The time right now is the only time it will ever be here. So what am I waiting for?

Right now.  I don’t feel like I am living in the now.  I just muddle through the day and hope that later works itself out.   Yep, I’m a planner and an organizer.  But my piles of later just keep adding up.  The crazy, mundane, exciting, irregular rhythm of each day just doesn’t allow for me to get past the right now.  Contradictions.  Because each day is the same, but totally different.  And each day can be mundane, but nothing close to boring.  Plenty of time, but no time to do anything.

Right now.  How do I make the most of right now.  What am I doing with my time NOW?  Is it worth it?  Is it something that needs to be done?  Is it making a difference in my life or in the life of others?  Is it something that I’m going to want to do again – because that is one good test of if something is worth your time.  Just like I don’t want to waste calories or money – time is not something to be wasted.  But it feels that those other two have visible consequences. You can see the number on the scale or the number on the bank account.  But time is ever-replenishing.  But really now will never be here again.

Later.  So later sits and waits.  Waiting for what?  When I am going to get to the later?  I guess the answer is NOW! What am I waiting for?  I want to be more intentional and deliberate – in what I do and how I spend my time.  I want to spend this precious commodity of time wisely.

I feel like most days I’m just trying to make it through the day.  Either trying to just survive by kind of shutting my brain off.  Or the opposite… trying to get everything done – at all costs.  Neither are positive or what I want to be doing.   So what do I want to be doing?

I need to put the big rocks in, instead of filling the jar with the pebbles of distraction and busyness.  I want to see the things that are important and pursue them with fervor.  What am I waiting for?